You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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