oh god the rape fog is back!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We left the knife in your bed.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Enjoy the penises
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
