Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
