I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
