I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize