some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
