Define "chronic" masturbator.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
