he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
