I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
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Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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