a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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