so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
