You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
