if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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