i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize