Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
