I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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