I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
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That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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