Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
