he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
