I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
