It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Sext me about skeletons
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize