I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
