stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
