have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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