just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
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I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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