cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She's the barista slut.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
