Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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