Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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