Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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