I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
