Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it hurts more in the daytime
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
