She is in my trunk
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
