Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
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you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
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Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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