stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
