We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
