jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
do nipples grow back?
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