Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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