She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
