You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
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at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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