well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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