I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize