Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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