don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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