Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
