Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
