Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
