3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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