I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
