and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
