I'm so fucking centered right now
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
