Sry I called you an 8
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
