I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Vodka?
Forever.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
