You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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