Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
