also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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