i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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