You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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