New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
