is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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