shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...