absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
