i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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